Non-violence in the therapy room

Last week I spent five days studying the Hakomi Method, a mindfulness-based somatic therapy.  This was an incredibly experiential process involving a range of exercises including mindfulness, self-study, practice session and role-plays.  Hakomi embraces a number of core principles, and as someone who prioritises the therapeutic relationship above all else, the one that particularly resonates with me is the principle of non-violence.

This article will provide a brief overview of non-violence in the therapeutic context, and reasons why it is important for therapists to extend this principle to themselves, as both a form of self care and a way of deepening the therapeutic relationship.

When applied to psychotherapy, the term "non-violence" might seem redundant at first. After all, therapy is fundamentally about healing, support, and understanding. So I was very curious, and somewhat surprised, when I first heard the term used in this context, and was keen to know more.

In the therapeutic context, non-violence is about fostering an environment of safety, respect, and gentleness. It challenges therapists to reflect on the subtleties of their interactions with clients, including their words, gestures, and even their intentions. It involves a mindful approach to each interaction with a client, and ensures that the therapy room is a space where clients feel safe to explore their vulnerabilities without fear of judgment, criticism, or coercion.   While the concept of non-violence in therapy might initially appear to be a given, using this mindfully and deliberately can significantly deepen the the therapeutic relationship, and consequently the effectiveness of therapy.

It is equally important for therapists to apply this principle to themselves, both in and outside of therapy room. Modelling this in our own lives, and extending it to our own responses, behaviours and expereinces will help us apply this to our work.

1. Allowing ourselves to make mistakes:

We all make mistakes, and acknowledging these as a natural part of the learning and growing process in therapy can reduce stress and burnout, and promote a more sustainable and enjoyable professional practice. Modelling this self-acceptance fosters a therapeutic environment where clients also feel safe to explore and express themselves without fear of judgment.

Tips to apply in practice:

When a mistake occurs, take a moment to pause and mindfully acknowledge what just happened. Try to do this without judgment, as this will give you the space to reflect on what occurred and what can be learned from the experience.

Bringing mistakes to supervision or peer consultation groups will also allow you to explore them in a safe, supportive environment. You may be surprised at how many others have made similar mistakes, and a willingness to be open and vulnerable will allow you to access the support and resources that you need.

2. Accepting that we have limitations:

We don’t have to know everything, even after years of experience, and ALL humans have limitations. Openly recognising our own limits models self-acceptance, builds trust and rapport, and encourages clients to accept their own limitations and form a more grounded self-perception.

Tips to apply in practice:

Clearly communicating your knowledge, areas of expertise and limitations to clients from the outset creates a transparent and honest therapeutic relationship. In many instances, your knowledge and ability to be present to your client's struggles and experiences will be adequate to provide therapeutic support, however there may be times when your clients' needs exceed your scope of practice or expertise, and in these instances it can be helpful to develop a network of other professionals to refer to, or seek consultation from.

Ongoing professional development will also expand your knowledge base and therapeutic skills, however it is important to stay mindful about what you DO know and what you CAN offer your clients.

3. Allowing ourselves to sit with uncertainty:

Being comfortable with uncertainty can help therapists manage the complex and unpredicatble nature of therapeutic work more effectively. Modelling comfort with not having all the answers and being open to various outcomes can help clients learn to tolerate ambiguity in their own lives, reduce anxiety about the unknown and promote resilience.

Tips to apply in practice:

Open discussion with clients around uncertainty being a natural part of life and demonstrating ways to cope with it, can provide helpful modelling for clients. Self-reflection, for both clients and therapists, can include journalling to explore thoughts and feelings about uncertainty, or somatic exploration around where this experience sits within the body and the meaning attributed to this.

Most therapists are aware of the benefits of mindfulness and often recommend exercises for clients to practice, but it can also be an excellent way for therapists to increase their own tolerance for uncertainty. Establishing a regular mindfulness practice, both in and out of therapy sessions, can enhance comfort with staying present amid uncertainty without rushing to resolve it.

4. Practicing self-compassion:

Treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you offer to clients supports emotional wellbeing and prevents compassion fatigue. Practicing self-compassion ensures that therapists maintain their mental health and continue to provide high-quality care to their clients. Modelling self-compassion can also support clients to adopt a kind and gentle approach to themselves, thereby promoting emotional healing and self-acceptance.

Tips to apply in practice:

Setting clear boundaries in the therapeutic setting is containing for clients as well as the therapist. This includes taking care of your own needs through appropriate breaks, starting and finishing sessions on time and setting clear limits between work and rest. Engaging in activities and hobbies to support your own well-being and compassion towards yourself is also important.

It is not uncommon for therapists to present with core beliefs or expectations around serving others while maintaining often impossibly high standards. However, the essence of non-violence is to provide a gentle, safe and supportive container, and it can be incredibly helpful to cultivate this for ourselves. If you notice any criticism or judgement towards yourself in any aspect of your practice, or any difficulty you might anticipate in applying any of the above, it might be helpful to access support. This could include supervision, consultation, personal therapy, self-help, support groups with other therapists or any other form of personal development. When we look after our own needs, we are in a better position to support our clients.

If you are interested in learning more about mindfulness-based somatic therapy I run regular supervision groups covering both somatic practices for therapists and somatic interventions for clients. You can find out more about these groups here: